Busted Dome

Best 5 Bucks I ever spent

2011-06-19T00:45:00.003-04:00

Today was the Old English Faire at Wildlife Prairie Park!! Sam and I went this year, as we have for the last...I'm not sure how many years, lol. Less than 5 I think. Anyway, we didn't dress this year because the forecast said horrible thunderstorms were expected and we didn't want to ruin our costumes and gear. Once we got out, the weather changed rapidly form ominous skies to clear and sunny about every hour. I'm still glad we didn't dress because we may not have stayed as long as we did if we were dressed. (By dressed I mean full Renn Faire garb. It's heavy, long skirts and lots of expensive leather work.)
We met with Dr. Scheidley (I'm probably not spelling that correctly) his son, and his granddaughter. She's adorable!!!! We watched the pirate show, some jousting, and looked at the pretty horses. Watching Dr and his progeny was really entertaining. It's nice to know the family dynamic is strong and entertaining.
I GOT MY TURKEY LEG!! It was almost as big as my calf when I got it. It almost feels as tough they knew I'd been dieting, I didn't get one last year, and was not leaving without that satisfaction this year. It was huge, and delicious and when I was full there was still more than half of it left. Rob is enjoying it now, and again tomorrow, lol. It was totally worth the money I spent on it. We also had the amazing homemade root beer and the ice cream (not together, although that would have been AMAZING!). I missed out on the funnel cake, but after everything else I ate, I think I'll get over it.
I spent WAY too much money. I went to the fair with 2 goals: 1) to get a frog for my short sword and 2) to get earrings to go with my newest dress. I bought the frog for my short sword. It's slanted so I can pull it out of it's sheath with ease. I've practiced with it a few times and it's a really smooth draw. I bought a nice pair of porcelain earrings at one of the last booths at which we had stopped. Up to that point, nothing had really caught my attention and I didn't really want to leave without one this year. I coughed up the $12 and went on my way. WE wondered around to the other booths we passed on our search (ok, MY search) for the illusive turkey leg and found a booth with a couple guys and some jewelry. They caught my attention when they commented on our shirts (me in my Wonder Woman and Sam in her Star Trek). While browsing, I found the PERFECT earrings and matching necklace. I gritted my teeth, prepared to spend $20 or more on the really nice set and asked the price. The younger of the two looks at me and says, "for you?" To which I replied, "yes, for me, to match the dress." He looks me up and down and says "$5." EPIC SQUEE!!!!!! Thank you Wonder Woman! Thank you Star Trek! Thank you Boobs, Finally, I had a side quest that Sam kinda gave me while we were looking for the frog. We were looking at swords (like we do) and I saw a really small dagger. One of us made a comment about hiding it in my cleavage. So as a side quest I wanted a boob dagger. I found one!! Not just one, it's a double dagger, lol. It's got one about as long as my middle finger and one about half as long as my pinky in the same sheath. It's incredibly comfortable and when I hug people, they don't even feel it. I'm seriously considering seeing how many places I could wear the dagger without people knowing I'm wearing it. This is by far, the BEST $5 I ever spent!!!
On that note, it's time for me to go to bed. I've gotta get up for work in the morning.

Nighty night!
JD

Workin' it!

2011-06-16T10:58:00.003-04:00

I got up this morning and got on the scale, like I always do. I was so excited! 182.6!! Woohoo!! Then I thought about it. This time last year, I was excited that I was 172 and some change. I've put on about 20lbs in the last year and it's taken me a month to lose 10 of it. Maybe that's something I should be excited about. I'm taking off the weight that I never should have put on in the first place. My goal is to get myself down about 10lbs a month. So far so good.
I'm so not paying attention to what I eat on Saturday though. The Olde English Faire is no place to count calories, worry about trans fats, or anything like that. I NEED my turkey leg. I didn't get it last year and I was so cranky about it. This year, I'm totally getting one and chowing down. With all the walking around and carrying I'm sure I'll burn a lot of it off anyway. We're also going to Dr. Scheidly's (sorry if I butchered the spelling) to do some archery, and maybe shoot some old timey muskets again. I'm so excited!!! He's one of the coolest older guys I've ever met and he's got such great toys!! Expect more pics this year.
I've gotta get ready for work now, so I'll pick this up later.

Ja ne!

Let's begin

2011-06-13T21:25:00.004-04:00

It's been 2 years since I updated, wow. Where to begin? Um..I'm living in Bloomington, I'm going to school, I'm engaged. If you know me, you know all that. This is where I do the nitty gritty, right? Well...there's a lot of it and not all of which I can share, LOL.
I've made a few friends and lost a few friends as the years have clicked by. Rob and I are living together, we have been for a year It's nice living with him. I know with things being as hectic as they have been the last year, if we were not living together, we would probably not be together. Not because we don't/didn't love each other, it's that we would not have had time to see each other. I love seeing him everyday, he makes me happy and he drives me up the wall, lol. I know I do the same to him on a daily basis as well, but hey, that's what love is.
I'm extremely happy with the choice I've made in school. I had my first totally Media dedicated class and am so in love with it. We did several types of writing for media and I did well on all of them with the exception of writing for TV. My own fault, I really didn't have time to run to the lab everyday with work on the article because of work during open lab hours (even then I got an 89 ^_^).
This Summer is pretty hectic so far. I'm saving for the move, I've got a couple trips I have to make, and not a ton of money to go around. I've also got Rob's parent's visit to look forward to this August. Well, mostly look forward to, lol. I am genuinely excited to see the Cress' again. His parents are great people and we get along swimmingly. What makes me nervous is that there is not a lot to do here as there is in South Dakota. I was so blown away by what I had seen there, and I was only there for 5 days! There's not a lot to do here in Bloomington or Peoria either. The only plans for sure are dinner with my parents one night, and my making dinner another. Um...maybe the zoo? or the planetarium? or the museum? I don't know. We'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
I've been inspired to start blogging again for one reason, it was very cleansing. I like being able to order my thoughts in this way. Most of what I'm thinking, feeling, pondering will go here once again. I'll make no promises to update daily, because I know I can't, but I'll try to update fairly regularly. Star Trek's on, so I'll update later.

Comcast, Joe, and Harry Potter

2009-07-15T12:47:00.000-04:00

Jon invited me to go see the new Harry Potter flick with him last night. I left work, attempted to return my DVR, for the 2nd time, and was unable to, again. I asked this time for a phone number to the office I could call and was given an 888 number. (I called this morning, it gave a different number and that number only gives a fast busy signal!) I'm getting so fed up with this whole process. As I write this post, I'm on hold to the Comcast office. I just want to know if there is a box available before I drive all the way out there again to be told they don't have them, again.

But I digress. I hit Panera (for some reason I felt I earned it) and headed home. I went directly downstairs, and attempted to nap so I'd e wide awake for the movie. No such luck. The parent's were home, which meant the big screen and all the surround sound was on directly above my bed. I had the brilliant idea of putting in my earbuds so it would block some of the noise and held my phone in my hand, close to my head so I'd still feel it vibrate, or hear it go off. Every time I would drift off to sleep, however, I would get a text msg, "you going to see HP?" "Urly going @ midnite?" etc, etc. Finally, I got one from John at about 8 asking what I was doing. I told him I was giving up on sleep and he asked me to join him at One World.

I got dressed, a little cuter than normal. I put on the nice jeans and a white top with a v-neck and collar. I met up with John and I read a couple pages of Blood Bound while he attempted to do his homework. A tallish guy with long flaming red hair sat down at the bar not far from us. I tried not to take notice of him as John and I conversed and laughed over our appetizers and drinks. I kept catching him looking at me. Every time I would look up, I'd see him out of the corner of my eye watching me talk and laugh. It was kinda cute and kinda odd, lol. He did join the conversation a couple of times. Once when we were talking about the Mystery Machine and once when we were talking about height. Finally, after several more awkward glances, I asked him to join us. He declined to sit at the table as he was almost finished w/his beer, but he did talk to us, well, me. ^_^ We talked for about an hour, I'd guess. He seems like a pretty cool dude, so we exchanged numbers as John and I left for the movie.

I'm diggin the new Harry Potter flick. Not too give anything away, but it was the closest representation of any of the novels so far. The only thing I lamented losing was the fight scene in the halls of Hogwarts. Other than that, it was a great film. I'll most likely watch it again with Sam, while it is theaters, and will definitely buy it when it comes out.

::Update on the Comcast situation:: Just got off the phone with them, after 20 minutes of "we have no phone number for them" bullshit, they are sending a technician free of charge to the house tomorrow between 10 and 12. Thank fully I already have the day off, so it's not putting me out, but DAMN!!! That man made me so angry!

On my morning commute.

2009-06-18T09:13:00.001-04:00

Tree in the middle of the road!

2009-06-11T21:21:00.002-04:00

A bny and his dog.

Baby Evan

2009-05-29T13:17:00.001-04:00

An angel 2 watch ouer all of us!

Let's Dance

2009-05-29T08:16:00.002-04:00

Ok, Starting this diet thing again. I was supposed to start on Monday, but you know, shit happens. As much as it sucks, I do use food for comfort when I'm stressed and frustrated. This week has been a bit of both. Even as I sit here writing this I'm trying not to freak out about Grandma. I'm going to see her tonight after work. I'll have to call and see what room she's in, as she is starting to get better and according to Mom, everytime she progresses, they move her. It's a good sign that she's getting better quickly. It puts all of us at ease. I'm not ready to lose my grandmother. None of us are.

Jumping back on the diet train today. I ordered some stuff, nothing too crazy, just a cleanse and vitamins for my bottled water. They should be ready to be picked up at Mom and Dad's tonight. That means I'll be starting the diet on a Saturday...kinda odd day to start it, but I'm running out of time. Have to focus on the mundane to not freak about the overwhelming. Good Luck to me and keep praying for Grandma's quick and complete recovery.

Love always,
Jessica

A moth

2009-05-23T00:41:00.001-04:00

A step inthe right direction

2009-05-20T09:45:00.002-04:00

I woke up this morning feeling great. It's payday. That means I'm no longer broke, lol. It also means I could pay all my bills and do some grocery shopping.
On the way to work, I dropped off my last rent check and told my landlady I was moving out at the end of next month. She's sad to see me go, wants me to try and come back if I can, etc. She really is a sweet lady, I know I'll be getting my deposit back. Now that I've dopped it off, it seems like things are finally moving, finally advancing towards me going back to school. I still can't make peace with the fact that I'm moving back in with my parents, but it's a necessary transition, at least for now. I've got an appointment in 2 weeks to schedule classes, I've accepted my aid, and I'm still looking for grants and scholorships to help pay the way. The less I have to work while I'm going to school, the better focused I'll be. I finally feel like things are taking shape, things are starting to look up and I'm headed in the right direction. Now if only I could get my love life in order, I'l be gravy.

Frustration

2009-05-19T07:24:00.000-04:00

Weight 176.6
Thighs 15.5 & 26.5
Stomach 39.0
Workout 30 minutes in the morning (so far)

I woke up kinda tired, so I made a deal with myself. If I got on the scale and was under 175, I’d skip the workout this morning. I stepped on the scale and wanted to scream instead. Just yesterday I was 175.8. I worked out twice yesterday, 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes when I got off work. The only change in routine from the last week was that I had pizza for lunch. Could one little please pizza have this much affect on my weight? Ugh…I guess I can’t cheat at all or I screw up all my hard work. I can’t screw this up. I’m tired of looking like this, I’ve got a goal and I’ve got to get there soon or I’m going to start getting depressed again.

I love my munchkins

2009-05-07T21:26:00.000-04:00

How I'm spending the night.

New Obsession

2009-04-14T20:42:00.001-04:00

http://apps.facebook.com/egghunt/basket.php?id=37712118&publicKey=c222689ac950b65b6f148ade43e19cce

It is really addicting...

Wierest Dream

2009-04-02T07:31:00.003-04:00

I'm in a dining hall. I think it's a pre-dinner to our high school reunion. I recognize most of the faces as peopleI've gone to school with, but have not seen, talked to, or facebooked in years. I'm not alone here, Sam, Drake, and the Hoot Hoots came with me. I'm sitting at a table with the group and my classmates are talking amongst themselves. We're all getting restless. Sam and I notice the stage and convince the Hoot Hoots to start playing. They're playing Woodbox Gang songs. When they start playing I drag Sam in front of the stage and we're dancing in front of my classmates. They're just staring, like they've never seen anyone dance before, but I don't care, I'm with my Sam.

Eventually, we tire of dancing, and start looking for food. Aparently, the resaon Drake was with us is because his Dad is catering the event, from his kitchen. Sam goes up to the counter and orders a smoothie. She gets something green. I go up and order a Mango Strawberry smoothie and the woman behind the counter tells me they're all out and I need to get something else. I ask her what else they've got and she tells me to wait, at which point she turns around and walks away. I've already paid her for my smoothie, so I'm waiting for her to come back with another option. I get tired of waiting and figure she'll let me know when it ready.

I go back into the main room where my classmates are still sitting quietly watching the band, but Sam is singing this time. I go up to join her and pull out a microphone to do so. Suddenly, Sam and I are kneeling next to a table with some candles on it, and Drake's Dad walks by says he used to pray in the middle of the day too. At this point, Sam pulls out a candle and starts lighting it and Mr. R walks away shaking his head.

We walk back into the kitchen so I can get mysmoothie, but there's no one there. We go behind the counter, looking for mr. G. I can't find anyone in this huge kitchen, which has become a mix between his, Sam's, and my parent's kitchen. I see a aluminum pan full of broccoli and grab a fist full, then I wake up.

What's up with that?

Spending the night at Jen's

2009-03-23T21:48:00.001-04:00

How cute!

Look who followed me to work.

2009-03-17T13:16:00.000-04:00

Bunny on carpet.

2009-03-08T22:30:00.001-04:00

Silly Pet Tricks?

2009-03-02T11:06:00.003-05:00

Where to begin...

The sale was final on Monday. On Tuesday, the sales and Tech departments had one on one interviews with our new owners, Getty Images. They're closing this building, period. Closest office is in Chicago and they have no openings. Everyone is losing their jobs. Sales and Tech all got their term dates on Tuesday, the other departments got theirs through out the week. I'm one of the lucky few who is here until August 1st, but most of the group is out as of April first. Seriously, who let's people go on April fools day?!?!? Everyone is sad, angry, or frustrated.

I'm going back to school in August. I've got a meeting with an adviser at ISU on Friday. I'll apply after I talk to her and find out exactly what I'll have to do. I have an appointment to do the same with a Bradley adviser on the 24th, just in case. I'd prefer ISU to Bradley as it's less expensive, honestly. I've filled out my Fafsa and I'm scouring the scholorship websites for aid (donations are gladly accepted ^_^).

Friday, I was supposed to see the Oscar nominated films with John, but I wasn't feeling up to it. Stress and other factors all collided on me and I literally fell asleep on my couch around 7. I woke up around 11, got more comfortable and went back to sleep.

Saturday was much more exciting. By exciting, I mean frikken weird! Just before I was to meet John for the Oscar films, Arrow decided to come out of his little house to say hi. He'd chewed off his little thumbs!!! Seriously, there was dried blood on his little face and paws where they used to be. I freaked! I was already on the phone with Matt and asked him why he'd do that. He said he didn't know, but he thinks he may have gone crazy. Awesome. The rat I can't handle becasue he bites in now mentally damaged as well. I left the apartment shaken and confused and met John for the movie(s). I told him what happened and he asked what I was going to do. I replied something along the lines of wanting a pet that was not mentally unstable. H offered Jesus the bunny. I accepted. ^_^ Sam came over and we moved Arrow to the smaller cage. He ran on his little wheel a bit and retired to his little house. As of yet, there are no more signs of self mutilation.

Sunday, I had just started to clean up after Hurricane Sam, when my landlord knocked on my door. He was coming to tell me about my fridge (oh yeah, it died on Wednesday and I had to toss the $188 worth of groceries I had just bought. With the exception of the meat which I had sent home with Sam that night.). What threw me about the situation was that one of the first things he said was "So you lost your job, huh?" WTF?!?!? First he said that I emailed Norma about it. I told him I hadn't emailed anyone about it, and my last day wasn't until August first. Then he said that she must have read it in the paper. I don't read the paper, so I don't know for sure, but I do know that one of my co-workers did an interview with one of the local stations, so it's possible she heard it there. Awesome, so now my landlord knows that I'm losing my job, woo frikken hoo. The upside to this would be that he's not raising my rent, but he is raising everyone else's. It may have something to do with the fact that I'm the only person in my building who pays in full and on time every month (most of them early), or it may have something to do with the fact that they know I'm no longer employed as of 8/1. *Sigh* So much for last week being better than the one before. I picked up the bunny around 6:30ish last night. He's still adorable and fluffy. ^_^ I deciced to name him Bud after one of Joker's hyenas. Bud was named after Bud Abbot, from Abbot and Costello, so His full name is Bud Abbot the Rabbit. I'll just call him Bud, lol.

Please, please, please, let this week be better than last. Even if it's only because I'm going back to Elburn on Friday.

Upon waking

2009-03-01T11:31:00.003-05:00

You are most beautiful when you're sleeping. Before I even open my eyes, I hear your soft breathing. Your face in quiet repose not far from mine. I've been awake for hours, moving around the room, surfing the net, lounging lazily. You sleep on. Letting all your cares and worries be lost for a few precious hours. If these few moments of peace are all you desire of me, I will give them as often as I am able. I stop often to gaze at your peaceful face, free from the worry and stress of the day to day. I think to myself of how I can make today the best day for you and you alone. I take comfort from the fact that just by being here, I am helping. So I will sit quietly by, and watch you sleep on.

Bought a new friend today

2009-02-16T16:37:00.001-05:00

Valentine's Day Dinner

2009-02-14T20:23:00.000-05:00

172.4 and falling

2009-02-02T11:50:00.001-05:00

So we meet again, my old high numbered friend? We’ve done this dance before, but I’ve learned a few new steps. I’m off the pills, they are driving me up the wall. I’m adding more time on the cardio and some weight machines. I’m building lean muscle to burn the fat faster. I’m taking in less, sticking to my book and I’m cutting out the snacking. Next time my tummy rumbles, it’s getting only a cracker or two. Just because the package is only 100 calories, doesn’t mean I need the whole hundred. I can eat half, or just 2 or 3. I’m not playing this game anymore. I wanna get down to 165 or lower by my birthday and no one can stop me but me. That gives me 13 days to lose 7 lbs. That’s just about 1/2 an lb a day. I can do it, no reason I can’t. I’m going to do it. I’ll keep pushing, I’ll keep working, I’ll keep losing this weight until I finally look down and see no more gut, no more flabby thighs, and no more fat ass. Good bye 172.4. I’m leaving you far behind and may we never meet again.

2009-01-23T09:08:00.000-05:00

Why I was late this morning.

Lumina Update

2009-01-12T09:44:00.000-05:00

She lives!!!!! After replacing the starter, battery, and the blower motor on the car, I was able to drive her home last night. Thankfully, everything was still in working order when I got up this morning and I was able to drive to work without issue, finally, LOL! I'm hoping this will be the last of the work I need to have done on it before I replace it this summer. Yep, I said replace this summer. I know the marriage screwed my credit, I know the student loans I'm paying off didn't help, I know that with my shitty credit score and no co-signer, my chances of getting anything new are next to impossible. But I also know that if I start saving now, I can put down a decent down payment on something that's not going to crap out on me every couple of months. Hopefully, I'll be able to get a good deal at Uftring, where my Dad works, or maybe at the dealership where Drake's mom works. The only thing I want is something made within the last 10 years, preferably an SUV or Jeep. Something I can pack most of my crap into the next time I move so I don't have to rent a U-Haul or call 10 people, or make 10 trips. (I know, i have high hopes, lol) But this has taught me that you totally get what you pay for, and right now, I'm willing to pay for more and better. Even if I'll be broke most of the time. Monthly car payment, here I come.

Deeply dissappointed

2009-01-10T10:47:00.003-05:00

I awoke around 7:30 this morning for no reason I can fathom. I had crashed early on the couch while reading the manga Fairy Tail. It's a manga that Matt recommended. It's by the same author as One Piece. If you enjoy a good story, check it out.

Anyway, I woke this morning and as I had the whole day ahead of me with no way to get anywhere, I had the choice to clean, or clean out my DVR, guess which I chose, lol. I will clean, seriously. I need to toss some shit I don't need, do the dishes, and beat the futon. But as I was just waking up, I didn't really want to get off the couch. I flipped through my DVR and found Legend of the Seeker that I'd been recording and not watching since November.AS a fan of the original 11 books, The Sword of Truth Series, I was super excited that Terry had licensed the books to be made into a television series, over a movie. I felt that this choice would allow him to keep truer to the story than having to cram all the subtlies into a 2 1/2 hour movie. I was still a little nervous about the concept of making it into a TV series as there is no way yet to show an internal monologue and all of the magic would require quite a bit of money on special effects.

So far this morning, I've watched 4 episodes. I want to cry for what they have done. None of the characters, save Zedd look as they should. Not even Addie the Bone Lady or Richard. Oh, Richard. The man is supposed to be a man among men, tall, imposing, powerful, intimidating. Instead I am given this average looking Joe. Kahlan is supposed to have long flowing locks, longer than all the women in the Midlands, as her hair is proof of her status. I've seen women in the Midlands already, they have hair just as long as hers. Shes supposed to be strikingly beautiful. This Kahlan...meh...she's pretty enough. Darken! OMFG! Darken frikken Rahl! He's suposed to be blone haired, blue eyed, and have hideous scars down one side of his body, missing the eye brow on that side, and also be a huge frikken man! No, I'm given the dark haired medium built dude. The first of his guards to stand before him was more buff than he. WTF have you done to my characters?!?!

The story...ugh, the story. Where to begin? Not to ruin the books for you if you decide to read them, but Zedd is not a crazy old man to Richard. Growing up, Richard was in Zedd's home as much as his own. He learned many things from him, including how to watch the sky, plantlore and many other things that make Richard as awesome a woods guide as he is. Kahlan does not threaten Richard when he offers to take her to his Dad, his Dad was already dead. Evisorated by Darken himself and his bowels were all over the house. Kahlan and Richard go together to Zedd and Zedd refuses to name the Seeker several times over. These side story episodes are not in the books at all so far.

As of these first 4 episodes, I am very dissapointed. I think there is only one way to watch this show and not go insane. As with the Hitchhiker's Guide, you have to take it as it's own animal. As much as I don't want to think so, I feel as though Terry sold out and is letting them run free with his characters. I'm going to watch what I have left on the DVR, and then decide if I want to keep following the series or not. It's a sad day for all Sword of Truth fans.

Car Problems

2009-01-08T08:55:00.004-05:00

GRRRRR!!!!!!!

When it first started getting cold out, my car started acting funny. I could hear a growling noise, but the engine would not kick over at all. I would have to try a few times before it would finally work itself over enough to start. I called Dad and he said it may be the battery, so I should go to Advance and have it checked. I did a stupid and just bought a new battery. He changed it out for me, and last night, when he was done, it started no problem, so I thought to myself, problem solved. I was so wrong...I got up this morning, started my car and it made the noise again and didn't start. I told myself I was going to call Dad when I got off work and tried again. The engine roared to life and I started to drive to work. I pushed the button for the window defogger and nothing happened. I turned it off and on again and still nothing. I called Dad and let him know what was going on. He asked me to pull over, turn the car off and then start it again. I pulled into the Big Lots Parking lot, just far enough to be out of people's way trying to get in or out, and killed the engine. I let it sit for about 30 seconds...turned the key and there was that noise, no starting. I tried a few times with Dad on the line and he said it was most likely the alternator and I didn't need the new battery. "Didn't you have them check it?" "No, I assumed that was the problem." Jessica, you should know better than to assume." "I know, I of all people should totally know better. I'm sorry." So now, I'm sitting here, waiting for Jen to come and get me for work. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Thankfully I get paid on Friday, so I should be able to pay fro new parts (AGAIN!). I'm just hoping I'll still have enough after another car repair to still help Venessa get Tyson's birthday present.
UGH! I'm so pissed at myself right now. I should have had it checked instead. Then I most likely would have been able to get the alternator last night and saved myself some money...well maybe I shouldn't say that, how much is an alternator gonna cost me. Either way, I wouldn't have sent my last $100 on a part I didn't need and could have spent it towards an alternator.

Words to live by in 2009

2009-01-01T11:06:00.000-05:00

Leave Yesterday Alone (its gone)

Live Today (count your blessings)

Don't Worry About Tomorrow (it may not come)

2008-12-22T22:48:00.000-05:00

Did you know?

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were

not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone

during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics.

It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning

plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each

element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality

which the children could remember.

-The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.

-Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.

-Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.

-The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.

-The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.

-The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.

-Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit--Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.

-The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.

-Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit--Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness,

Gentleness, and Self Control.

-The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.

-The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.

-The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how that strange song became a Christmas Carol...so pass it on if you wish.'

Merry (Twelve Days of) Christmas Everyone

Fever Dreams

2008-12-18T19:06:00.002-05:00

Though a migraine baked my brain this morning, and the apartment was too bright to go back to sleep, I dreamed this afternoon. I don't remember much, except elves, marriage and a question. If elves are so long lived, why must they have only one partner for life? I don't know where it's going, but there may be a story here. I'll have to think about it when my head hurts less and I can think more clearly.

Breaking the surface

2008-12-17T09:15:00.003-05:00

Wow, I've been super busy this last month. I love the new job, but I'm not to fond of some of the people i now have to work with. Andrew has been super nice and helpful. I love working with him. Some of the people in Accounting and Finance however, have taught me that they are all the same in every office everywhere. It took me until Monday to finally get a day where I was not swimming upstream. I'm finally up to current and Andrew and I acn start going after people who have not sent their reports since June or prior (seriously woman, what the **** were you thinking?) Today's agenda : find contact info and email everyone who's report I don't have.

Socially, there hasn't been much really worth mentioning. I've been on a couple dates, but nothing has progressed past that. I've made a couple new friends out of it, which is always a plus. To avoid another Kyle situation, I've moved the couch, it's matching chair, and all of my stuff from Mom and Dad's basement into my spare room. Good buy guest room. I have a futon in the living room now, so all guests will be temporary. I kinda miss having a guest room, but the only consistent guest I have are Sam and Drake, and neither of them seem to mind.

I've taken a diet hiatus. Not that I'm giving up on the weight loss thing, I've just taken a break. December is not a good season for dieting. Between my many Christmas functions, Secret Santa, and people bringing treats in to work, it's too hard not to give in. I'm not overindulging, I don't want to gain weight, I'm just not avoiding anything tasty. All good things in moderation, right? Jan 5, Jen and I are getting right back on it. I want to lose at least 20 lbs by Feb. I'm changing the way people look at me, by changing the way I look at myself. Too long have I had the "I don't give a shit" attitude about the way I look. It's what got me looking like this in the first place. but I'm honest enough with myself to say I'm not happy with the way I look and if I'm not, no one else will be. Losing weight is just part of the plan. I've told Jen that in Feb, she and I are going shopping (I'll most likely bring Sam along as well ^_^). she has final say on any clothes that I buy as long as it's feminine without being super girly. Something that shows me for who I am, the tomboy, the girl, the geek, and the gamer. I'm sure we can figure something out, even if it only ends up being tighter jeans and lower cut baby doll T's.

I've got to get back to work, I'll try and update more often and as things happen, but you know how that goes.

Love always,
Jess

Random letter

2008-11-17T13:29:00.002-05:00

I think I'm getting better at this. I happened across an email that you sent me 2 years ago. For the first time, I looked at it and it didn't make me cry, I didn't get choked up and it didn't hurt as bad to read your words. Part of me still wonders if you ever meant any of it, but I know that it doesn't matter if you did or didn't because I apparently don't care anymore. Good for me, right? i still can't bring myself to delete your folder. I don't know why. But I'm sure that I will be able to soon.

(fluff)Elections

2008-11-06T12:01:00.002-05:00

Seriously, why did it have to go there

2008-11-05T11:50:00.002-05:00

I have mixed feelings about last night's results. I am relieved McCain is not our next president. I am disappointed that Ron Paul is not either (I knew he wasn't going to be, I've been disappointed about that fact for the last 6 months). I'm hopeful that Barack will not screw us over. But most of all, I am frustrated. Yes, we are at a very pivotal point in our history. Yes, we have the first ever black president. Go America! Yay! But it's not supposed to be about this race, people. He ran a good campaign, he has potential to be a great leader and I am hopeful that as a man he will not disappoint us. I was very disappointed and frustrated by some text messages I got last night. Instead of inspiring messages about him being a great man, or a great leader, or a chance for a better future, they were aimed at the fact that there is a black man in power. Who gives a rats ass if the man in power is now black? If the black man gets into office and screws up, is it because he was black or because he wasn't the right man for the job? If McCain had won and he screwed up, will it be becasue he was white or because he wasn't the right man for the job? The answer should be the same for both! It should be "because he wasn't the right man for the job." Nothing else. That's not the way it's going to be, however. Within the first few hours of the news of his election, I've seen how this is going to play out, and I'm frustrated and disappinted by it all. Suport the man, people, not the race.

Sleepless nights

2008-10-21T10:46:00.003-04:00

I hate falling asleep early on the couch. It means I'll get up in the middle of the night for now reason and not be able to fall back to sleep. That's exactly what happened last night. I crashed early on the couch. It was before 10, so it's early for me. I awoke at 2:35 exactly. I know because I was asleep right next to my phone, and the crick in my neck is what woke me. I had fallen asleep reading as I often do. I stumbled off to bed and waited for sleep to claim me. It wasn't coming. I tossed and turned for I do;t know how long. I hear voices that were not my own in my room with me and realized that although I had turned the TV almost all the way down, I could just barely hear it. I turned it up just loud enough to be understood, flopped onto my stomach, and waited. Nothing. I rolled onto my back. Nothing. I lay on my side. Nothing, I turned to the other side. Still nothing. Grr... I looked at the time, it was 4AM. I gave up trying to sleep, and instead grabbed Breaking Dawn the book I'd started reading just Sunday and was already more than a third of the way through. Maybe a bit of reading would calm my thoughts enough for me to sleep. As I joined in the adventures of Bella, Jacob, Edward and the rest of the Cullens, I began to feel sleep and finally slipped close to sleep. It felt like I had just closed my eyes when my alarm went off at 6AM. I checked my page, I'd read 200 pages in the night, I hadn't just thought I had closed my eyes, I HAD! I ate a bowl of cereal to quiet my angry stomach, reset my alarm for 8 and went back to sleep. So much for getting up early. I didn't dream much in those last two hours. Just flashes of things from my book, I'm sure. When my alarm went off at 8, I reluctantly got up, got dressed and packed my lunch. I hate sleepless nights.

Moms

2008-10-10T14:38:00.000-04:00

All answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me... He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you get to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Making friends

2008-10-10T10:05:00.003-04:00

I made a new friend yesterday. Well, not yesterday, but we had dinner last night. His name is James. We've talked online a few times before and he's fun and easy to talk to. Great friend material. Last night, I didn't feel like cooking, I didn't want to order in, I wanted to go out, but not alone. Enter James. I think I may have scared him though, lol. He didn't talk much. I talked a lot. I talked about Crazy McGee (aka, Kyle). I gave the totally abridge version, but still. It makes me look like a constantly forgiving fool, and him look like as ass. True on both counts. It's a good thing I no longer wonder about the impression i leave on people. I have to be able to relax. He could be fun. ^_^

Camping 08

2008-10-06T13:07:00.002-04:00

I had an awesome weekend camping. Friday, I left early and after a very short snafu with the directions, I was on the road. I arrived shortly before full dark, and was then forced to wait for drake before i could finish pitching the tent. I'm sure he could have done it all by his lonesome, but he's frikken tall, and I'm so totally not. Shortly after we finished with the tent, John called to let me know that he and Kristen were just then leaving Morton. Good thing I brought my book! I only managed to read a few pages though. Drake and i talked to pass the time and then I started to get sleepy. We had started to doze off when John called to say that he and the others had arived. YAY! We sat around the fire, joked, drank, made introductions, played with fire...it was great. ^_^ Then, Drake and I went back to the tent to sleep. There are 2 very important things I never would have thought about camping in early October. 1) It was a helluva lot colder than I thought it was going to be. I had to climb all the way down into my sleeping bag to stay warm enough that I didn't bite through my tongue from the shivering. 2) That someone would be fool enough to bring twin 4 year olds camping. No less than 100 yrds from where Drake and I had pitched out tent, these children screamed at all hours of the night. Not just cried, not just yelled, they frikken screamed.

We awoke eary enough on Saturday to take a stroll around the camp, and meet John, Kristen, Many, and Phil for breakfast. Shortly thereafter, we all napped. I'm so glad that little bastard seed wasn't at camp while I was napping. I slept for a good 4 hours. We all piled into our respective vehicles and drove up to Starved rock. It was amazing. So beautiful, and sich a nice day for it. I took lots of pics. I was not a fan of the stairs though, lol. I know I'm not in the best of shape, but seriously. That amount of stairs up and down were in-frikking-sane. I felt really bad for Mandy by the end of it. She sliped and fell by the waterfall and busted her knee. We were in the middle of the trial. No where to go but forward, and there were a ton of stairs. Between Phil and Kriten, we managed to get her limping to the end of the trail. John and I tried to doa little fishing, but they weren't biting. They surely were jumping, just not biting. We made it back to camp shortly after dark and spent a couple hours in front of the fire before we were too exhausted to stay up. I ha hoped the children would ahve been too exhausted to be up all night agina, but I was wrong. This time I also had the added bonus of Drake rolling over in his sleeping back onto me several times in the night. Nothing worse than being woken up to find yourself trapped in your sleeping bag by a snoring giant. At exactly 5:26AM, it started to rain...good bye restful sleep.

Sunday - Thankfully it was only a light rain. By the time Drake and I stirred from the tent, it had stopped. We packed out gear and left the tent up to dry in the sun while we went for breakfast with the rest of our group. We lingered over breakfast, got directions and made plans to see eachother soon. He's coming down next weekend. Shortly after I got home, beforeI had unpacked my stuff, I crashed. I slept on my couch for a solid 4 hours and awoke just as exhausted. I guess those stairs and sleepless nigths really got to me. I was back in bed for the night by 10.

Last night I dreamed

2008-10-01T12:28:00.003-04:00

Last night I dreamed of you. It's making me rethink a lot of things about who I am. I miss you. Every couple of days I see something that makes me think of you. I'm still not angry, and I'm sure if i could get to anger, it wouldn't hurt as bad as it does when I think of you.

Sniffles

2008-09-26T12:36:00.002-04:00

The worst thing about working in an office full of women during this time of year is the sniffles. You can't tell if it's allergies, sick, or someone crying. All three sniffles sound exactly the same and all would also cause the face to be slightly puffy and the eyes to be red and irritated. So help me, if one more person walks into my office and asks me why I'm upset, I'm going to throw a used tissue at them. I'm fine, it's just allergies.

Nightmare

2008-09-25T07:46:00.001-04:00

I had a horrible nightmare last night. I was in a store, similar to hot topic, but not quite. I was shopping with some people I knew and suddenly, Andrew, my ex husband is there, looming in front of me. I didn't think he saw me, but my heart thudded extra hard in my chest at the sight of him. I knew it wasn't the first time I had seen him suddenly appear at some random place I had been. I climb into the front have of a car that is in the store and Andrew Chenowski (who I went to high school with) and Tracy (some woman I work with) are already in the car. They look back at me as Stephanie Jatkowski (someone else I went to hig school with) and I climb into the car. They shrug and continue their conversation. Stephanie asks what I'm going to do, and I reply "I don't know . He just keeps showing up!" She says I should call the police, and hops out of the car to get a phone. While I'm waiting for her to come back, Andrew C, Tracy and I are looking around the store and we spot him on the other side of a rack between us and him. He was obviously looking for me. I sit as deep into the shadows as I can so he can't see me. At this point Stephanie comes back into the car with an unusual looking phone. The police dispatcher is on the phone already and I fill her in on what's going on. she asks my name and my ex husband's name and after I give her this information, she says that he has been looking for me! He hired a detective to follow me around and left a message for me that i had to come pick up, over a month ago. As I'm listening to this, I glance up to see him he spotted the car, with me and my friends in it and started walking towards us. The police office puts me on hold as he reaches us and when he opens the door, I woke up covered in sweat, disoriented and scared.

I hate nightmares. It makes no sense. I'm not scared of him, I'm not even scared of what he represents, I just have no desire to ever talk to him, or see him again. I closed that chapter of my life long ago. It's easier to pretend it never happened and forget he or the mother of his bastard child exist (yes the child is a bastard, it was concieved while he and I were still married and as far as I know, they're living together, but still not married). Also what was up with the high school reunion in my dram. I haven't talked to Stephanie or Andrew C in years. Even in high school, Andrew C and I were no more than passing acquaintances. Stephanie and I used to be close, but I don't know anything about her now. And why was Tracy there? I work with her yes, but we're in completely different departments, never see each other at work anymore, and are not friends. I don't know anything about her at all. I don't know. I feel better now that I've typed it all out, but I'm still confused. What does it mean, if anything at all?

and it continues...

2008-09-23T10:03:00.003-04:00

I left my Spark on like I always do when I left work and this is what I saw this morning:

(5:35 PM) cybodragon1: lol camel toads. sorry i found your blog and that post cracked me up i hadn't seen it before.
(5:36 PM) cybodragon1: and snopes says it's a real article
(5:36 PM) cybodragon1: that must have been great
(5:38 PM) cybodragon1: I'm sorry for the pain you have been through the last few years. I swear i'm not trying to add to it. I was just curious.
(5:42 PM) cybodragon1: and yes i saw the post of our chat log and no it doesn't bother me. I didn't mean to startle you. Well i'll be on and off of aim till i can get the Grandparrents to ditch AOL for something better. If you want to chat shoot me a line. It is not going to cause issues with Robin.
(5:44 PM) cybodragon1: Or if after you recover from the shock you want to say something to me shoot me an e-mail.*********** Please dont post my e-mail address on your blog. Thanks.

Um...seriously? WTF!

2008-09-22T18:03:00.001-04:00

(4:39 PM) cybodragon1: Hello
(4:41 PM) jstewart: who is this?
(4:41 PM) cybodragon1: How many cybodragons do you know?
(4:41 PM) jstewart: why are you talking to me?
(4:42 PM) cybodragon1: i saw you were online thought i would say hi and see how things are going
(4:42 PM) jstewart: How things are going are none of your concern. PLease don't talk to me again
(4:44 PM) cybodragon1: Sorry i didn't mean to offend. I hope things are going well. I wont bug you again.
(4:44 PM) jstewart: I don't understand you
(4:44 PM) jstewart: I really and truly just don't understand you
(4:44 PM) cybodragon1: i know. i'm sorry
(4:45 PM) jstewart: You didn't really answer my question, you know. You don't just notice your ex wife is online and decide to talk to her for no reason
(4:46 PM) cybodragon1: actualy i did i just added aim to trillion and saw you on my friends list
(4:46 PM) jstewart: But you're not on mine. Stupid aim must not care if I've got yo for you to talk to me and why didn't you remove me when I left?
(4:47 PM) cybodragon1: i havn'tused this aim account in...... quite a while actualy
(4:47 PM) cybodragon1: i installed it to chat with Gram and Pappa
(4:48 PM) cybodragon1: they have AOL still
(4:48 PM) jstewart: isn't Robin going to be upset you're talking to me?
(4:48 PM) jstewart: she's going to think I started this
(4:49 PM) cybodragon1: I dont think so
(4:49 PM) jstewart: and after the slander your family has spread about me, I'm not how sure i am I should continue this conversation
(4:49 PM) cybodragon1: If you dont want to you dont have to.
(4:50 PM) jstewart: you know it's not in my nature to be cold
(4:50 PM) cybodragon1: A lot was said on both sides. I refuse to hold on to anger it eats at you. I try to put it behind me and live my life
(4:51 PM) jstewart: I've moved past anger. That's what therapy will do to you
(4:51 PM) cybodragon1: indeed
(4:53 PM) cybodragon1: So have you gotten remairried?
(4:53 PM) jstewart: no
(4:56 PM) cybodragon1: how is school going still broadcast journalism major?
(4:57 PM) jstewart: either you're playing dumb, or Robin hasn't been filling you in on my blag. Which I know she was reading up until last october
(4:58 PM) cybodragon1: i dont read you blog. if Robin does she doesn't tell me about it.
(4:58 PM) cybodragon1: i'm not all that in to the online networking things they still kinda kreep me out
(4:58 PM) jstewart: if she's been hiding the fact that she was reading my blog from you, I shouldn't be talking to you. she ruined our marriage, I'm not going to return the favor.
(4:58 PM) cybodragon1: i have a facebook so i can pley the weird games on them
(4:59 PM) jstewart: take care of this one, and your baby girl
(4:59 PM) jstewart: bye
(4:59 PM) cybodragon1: ok
(4:59 PM) cybodragon1: by the way before i go since i have no clue when i may speak to you next. do you still have my racoon?
(5:00 PM) jstewart: haven't seen it, it most likely was in the tub with the rest of my stuffed animals that you made me leave behind and i never saw again
(5:01 PM) cybodragon1: ok

So sick of being sick

2008-09-16T10:34:00.003-04:00

It always happens, I get sick once, I catch everything for the next month. What started as a headache and upset stomach on Wednesday has blossomed into a full blown gross fest. Diarrhea, vomiting and nausea that has been floating around the office all week has slammed me full force. I spent all day yesterday within stumbling distance of my toilet. Sam stopped over and dropped off a care package of Imodium, Pepto, goldfish crackers and Powerade. I love that woman! Today is shaping up to be a repeat of yesterday, only minus the headache. Catching up on my DVR, reading, and if I can sit up without wanting to throw up, I may try and play some Spore today. Word to the currently healthy: take your vitamins, your immune system boosters, and STAY AWAY FROM SICK PEOPLE!!

Ja ne,
Jess

Sleeping

2008-09-11T22:01:00.000-04:00

Thumb sucking

2008-09-11T21:58:00.000-04:00

Changes

2008-09-11T18:25:00.003-04:00

I sat at my desk, as I often do at lunch and felt the lack of weight on my nose. It's odd to think that in a few short months, I have become not only accustomed to my new glasses, but can tell feel the difference on my face.

It would be nice if matters of the heart could be so easily mended, but in my case, not so much. I still Matt. I've never professed and undying love for him, and that's because there wasn't one. Maybe that's why it bothers me so much. It ended badly and I miss him, and I wish I could make it better, but I can't. He was more important to me than any boyfriend I've ever had and now, he's lost to me. I still can't get used to that. I saw something I knew he'd get a kick out of and almost called him. I still see things that I could buy for Christmas, or his birthday, or just as a "thanks for sticking by me" gift. Living without him is hard. But like my glasses, I'll get used to it.

New Years resolutions revisited

2008-09-05T16:29:00.003-04:00

Found this today while rereading some of my old blogs. Let's check progress, shall we?

1) Find a gym that won't break the bank (DONE!)
2) Don't cheat on my diet (Yeah...changed diets, still cheat, but less so)
3) Pay my bills (on time and in full everytime!)
4) Go back to school (...I'm working on it)
5) Get a dog (I live in an apartment, I've got a rat in a cage)
6) Don't lose anymore friends over stupid bullshit (Define bullshit)
7) Mend friendships that are worth mending (Only lost one friend that mattered and he knows the door will be open later, it's the way I am)

Yeah, not doing too bad.

Pictures of you

2008-09-05T15:53:00.002-04:00

I wonder sometimes why I hold on to pictures of people I don't talk to anymore. I think it's because I want to remember the happy times. Yes, they make the loss of one person or another stand out in sharp relief once again, but it also reminds me that I was happy once, and I can be again if I really want to. It also reminds me that they are happy without me, which is both a happy thought and a sad one. I'm glad that they're happy. I love to see their smiling faces. I love to see them laughing and carrying on. It's a reminder that no matter what I'm going through at the moment, life goes on, and others are happy.

Random thoughts in the rain

2008-09-04T19:00:00.003-04:00

Somewhere, we got lost in us. I don't know how it happened, I don't know when or why. All I know is that at some point, we stopped being you and me and we became us. Maybe that's my problem. I'm fine as a me. I'm a little lonely sure, but I can function as a me. I'm fine as an us. I'm not lonely, I'm not wanting for anything. But once we become an us, and can't easily go back to a me. It hurts too much to know what I had and to have lost it. I don't take it well. I shut down, and it takes a long while for me to be a fully functioning me again. I can do it though. I can survive and be a me again. It just makes it that much harder to ever become an us again.

2008-09-02T18:36:00.000-04:00

Turkeys

Return of the blog

2008-09-02T12:42:00.002-04:00

I haven't posted in a while.I'm not going to go into deep lingering details of what you've missed, I'll just hit you up with the highlights. I've forgotten that my blog is just for me and more therapeutic than anything else. So here we go

July 4th, Kyle moved out. He's been writing faithfully every week, except for last week. I know that is because I haven't written back. The last letter I received from him said that he wanted letters from both me and Sam and was disappointed that he had not heard from us after so long. I have written him once, but I gave it to Sam to mail and then the car we left it in died so it's still stamped and ready, but has yet to go out. I think i may write him another today, but I'm not sure. What do you say to someone you were happy to see leave? "Bye?" "Don't let the door hit you on the way out?" "Try not to die, 'cuse then I'd feel even more guilty about the choice you made?" I don't know. I may just write him as though I were writing in a journal, but I don't want to give him the impression that I'm leaning on or confiding in him. I do care about him, in so far as, I'd be sad if anything happened to him. I'm just not as attached to him as he is to me and Sam. It's still freaky.

I'm dieting again. No surprise there. I started the Extreme Fat Smash diet with Jenifer, one of the girls I work with. She wants to lose 20 lbs (from God only knows where, I'd kill to look like her) and I want to lose 30 - 40. I stuck to it for the first cycle and went from 183 to 172, but I got off of it for a full week and now I'm back up to 176. I'm sticking to it this time for a few cycles and adding Hydroxycut. I should see better results this time around with it's help. I saw my Gyno and my doc and they are running a few tests on my blood to check for any abnormalities. It should not be this hard for me to lose weight and keep it off.

Work has been mind-numbing and frustrating in turns. I ahd an awesome project which drove me nuts and kept me entertained and now that it's done, I'm left to my own devices once again. Once we have a new list for Sept, I'll start calling custoemrs again. Something to take up the long hours.

I lost my oldest and dearest friend a couple of weeks ago. Matt and I are no longer speaking. The short version is that made a choice that I don't agree with. That's all I'm going to say about it as I know some people read this looking for goodness knows what and I'm not going to give them any more ammo than they already have.

Men in kilts are sexy. Red-headed men in kilts, sexier still. Rediculously tall men, even more so. ^_^ This past weekend, due to poor scheduling, I had 2 men folk in my home. Paco, a friend from TX, and Drake, a friend from my SIU days. Paco wore a kilt, because asked him to. I took pics, lol. Sadly, he only stayed through Saturday morning, but I'm sure he'll come back or I'll find the time/money to fly down to TX to visit. I don't know though, I hate to fly. Drake stayed until yesterday around noon. We ahd fun. I like having Drake around, he makes me feel short (well, shorter than most :P) and he also makes me feel safe, but I can't put my finger on why. I'm sure he'll also be back.

Alrighty, back to the daily grind. Look forward to more rants, ramblings, and musings later.

2008-08-23T23:09:00.001-04:00

2008-08-23T10:45:00.001-04:00

Success! Now I just pray it doesn't taste like ass. Lol

Ellen's visit

2008-08-17T10:27:00.001-04:00

Domonick and Ellen

Ellen's visit

2008-08-17T10:24:00.001-04:00

Ellen and Domonick

2008-07-24T13:17:00.000-04:00

CATCHING WILD PIG

There was a Chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the Professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back, and stretching as if his back hurt.

The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a communist government.

In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, 'Do you know how to catch wild pigs?'

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said this was no joke.

'You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs that are used to the free corn start t o come through the gate to eat, and then you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd.

Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening to America . The government keeps pushing us toward socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc, etc, etc. While we continue to lose our freedoms - just a little at a time.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

One should always remember: There is no such thing as a free Lunch! Also, a politician will never provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.

In this 'very important' election year, listen closely to what the candidates are promising you - just maybe, you will be able to tell who is about to slam the gate on America
"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have."

Thomas Jefferson

Dance and th whole world dances with you

2008-07-17T12:42:00.000-04:00

2008-07-14T17:34:00.003-04:00

I hate myself for still loving you
I hate that seeing you makes me want to cry
I hate that I still wait for you
I hate that I don't still try
I know who you are now
I've known for a while
I've known for forever
Even now it's still a trial
I know that i can't do this
I know it's not right
I know it's not healthy
I hate myself for loving you

LOLBIBLE

2008-06-27T17:28:00.001-04:00

lolcat bible:

Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.

9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.

11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.

14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.18 An tehy rulez day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.19 An so teh furth day w00t.

20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.

24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.

26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.

27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.

28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.

29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.

31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.

:D

Rest in peace

2008-06-23T15:10:00.001-04:00

Grand Master Flash. We hardly knew you.

No longer hiding

2008-06-11T15:15:00.000-04:00

I am weak and I am weary.
I've been bleeding for you, clearly.
I have given and asked nothing in return.
You have taken, over and over.
More than would a lover,
giving little or none of your own.

Battle fought and wars raging
the two of us are changing
I don't know who you'll be
but I'll be damned if I'm not me.
Somewhere in these battles
I have come into my own.
Without you I am stronger.
I can take this pain no longer.
Banish you I must
Even to betray your trust
You must begone
so I may live to fight alone.

What happened

2008-06-11T15:03:00.003-04:00

There was a time I longed for your touch,
now I run from you.
There was a time when I hoped for you smile,
now it makes me shudder.
Your strong arms used to bring comfort,
now they smother me.
I don't know what has happened to you.
I don't know what has happened to me.
I don't like what has happened to us.

There was a time when we'd sit and smile,
and now we sit in silence.
There was a time together we'd play,
now we are mostly separated.
My eyes are open, the blinders are gone,
I see you from new perspective.
I don't know who you are.
I don't like who I am
I don't know what's become of us.

Never get drunk with a stranger

2008-06-09T11:59:00.004-04:00

Friday night I had a date with someone I met online. He was nice enough, and funy enough, and we had enough in common to warrant a meeting in person. I prayed the whole way to dinner that he would not be a total chode in person. Over dinner, I could see that he would make a good friend, but not a boyfriend. We left the restaurant and went for a walk on the river front, I made it a point to give no signals, as I didn't want to give the wrong impression. I was polite, and conversational, and I could see that he would be fun to hang out with. At one point a friend of his called and she and her beau met us on the riverfront. WE hung out for a bit longer, and they seemed a lively and fun lot as well. Upon realizing that it was 2 AM, we decided to all go back to his place and have a few drinks, that's when things began to go wrong. We played this game, Drunk driver, which is a fun game that I will never play again in the company of people I do not know very well. After several rounds of this game and entirely too much Apple Vodka, I was drunk, exactly where I didn't want to be. his friend and her boyfriend left, and shortly thereafter, I went to sleep it off in his bed. We didn't sleep. I awoke around 1:30 the next afternoon and went home.

The afternoon passed pretty uneventfully, and I was looking forward to passing the night with Kyle, Sam, and her family watching the Woodbox Gang at Crusen's. It was a great show. Reka showed up, but none of the other people I had invited showed up that night. I did see one face I had not expected to see in the face of a friend I had not seen since my Sophomore year of high school, DJ Lindsey. He was much taller and his hair was dark and unkempt. He had a thick beard which covered a good portion of his face. I would never had known it was him if he hadn't told me who he was. After the show, we hung around and talked with Hugh and Greg and they let us know that they remembered us from their show at SOP's. They kept trying to tell us how much they appreciate our dancing out front and singing along, and how much they appreciate it. We let them know it was our was to show our appreciation to them and so on.

Sunday, was my Dad's company picnic. Come to find out, it was not a picnic, it was a double elimination softball tournament. I played 5 games of softball back to back, with only a 15 minute intermission between the 1st and 2nd game. After the 5th game, we only had one left, but we were too worn out to play. Myself and our coach both bowed and and left for home. Once i got home, I took a shower, washed the dirt out of my hair and fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit my pillow. I awoke several hours later to my mom calling. My second cousin Lisa had died of a heart attack. I feel her loss quite sharply. Not because we were particularly close, we hardly knew each other. She was a relation to the family on my mother's father's side, and we had met on a few different occasions. What bothers me is that I can't see her face, i can't remember how old she is, I didn't know her well enough. I spent the rest of the day very self reflectively. How many other family members do i have that will one day pass on and I'll not know them, or their families, and so on. I'm very sorry that I never got the chance to really get to know her.

2008-06-04T23:04:00.000-04:00

Sleeping

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Cowboy Quotes and Sayings

2008-05-27T16:46:00.000-04:00

Don’t squat on your Spurs.

Go West young Man, Go West.

I’m your Huckleberry.

A Cowboy is a man with guts and a Horse.

I’m gonna pump ya’ full of lead.

Fast is good but accurate is better.

Never drink unless your alone or with somebody.

Cowboy Coffee aint’ safe drinkin’.

Talk slowly but think Quickly.

There’s many theories about arguin’ with a Woman, None of them Work.

Being silent, may be your best answer.

Cowboy Up or go sit in the Truck.

It’s hard to put a foot in a closed mouth.

Do it right or get off the Horse.

If you’r sittin’ at the counter eatin’ leave your hat on, but if your’ sittin’ at the table take it off.

I wish there was time for one more bowl of chili.

Every trail has puddles, son.

No matter where you go. There you are.

If somebody outdraws you boy, walk away. There’s plenty o’ time to look tough when your outta’ sight.

When in doubt, let your Horse do the thinkin’.

He’s studying to be a half-wit.

Never kick a cow patty on a hot day.

Sometimes we have summer all winter and winter all summer, but regulararly’ we have no rain.

When they lay me down to rest, put my spurs and rope upon’ my chest, get my friends to carry me and lay my Horse next to me.

Don’t just lay there and bleed.

Never slap a mans back if he’s chew’n tobacco.

Never corner something meaner than you.

Scars are Cowboy Tattoos with better stories.

Boy, if your Horse aint wanting to go there, neither should you.

Howdy Partner.

Sure you can trust the Government, ask any Indian.

Never give your Horse more attention than your wife, unless you like sleeping in the Barn.

Only out on the Range can you find yourself.

I whisper but my Horse doesn’t listen.

Cuss all you want… around men, horses, and cows.

Whoa Nellie!

Don’t spoil his fun, let him play with it.

Leavin’ ‘em Standing.

A Bull is like a dancing partner, you just have to let him lead.

Excuse me sir, your bleeding on my boot.

I reckon this is gonna hurt a little.

Size does matter, the bigger your buckle the better.

Give me a stiff one, Barkeep.

Remember these two words Son. Saddle Sore!

It’s better to be a has been than a never was.

Don’t stop kickin till the clock stops tickin.

Ride it like you stole it.

Don’t wake a sleepin’ Rattler.

Your buckle don’t shine in the dirt, get up.

If you find yourself in a hole stop digging.

You stay here while I sneak around from the back.

Never joke with mules or cooks as they have no sense of humor.

That horse could buck a mans whiskers plum off.

Ridin’ a Horse is like dancing, you gotta feel the rhythm and move with it.

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

I’ve been dreamin’ bout it near all my life.

Hold it right there! Now, mover your hand, reeeal slow-like.

Mount Up.

Cattle know why they Stampede, but they aint’ a talkin’.

Let, Mount Up.

Admire that big Horse son, but saddle that small one.

Don’t ever try on another mans Hat, it’s like getting’ on his Horse or Woman.

Lets Ride.

More Whiskey and fresh Horses for my men.

Rode hard and put away wet.

The fastest way to move Cattle is slowly.

Never approach a Bull from the front, a Horse from the rear, or a Fool from any direction.

Don’t worry ‘bout bitin’ off more than you can chew, your mouth is bigger’n you think.

Never drink downstream from your horse.

He’s plumb weak north of his ears.

If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and again to see if they are still with ya.

If you’re gonna drive cattle thru town, do it on Sunday. There’s little traffic and people are less disposed to cuss at ya.’

God bless them, there, Cowgirls.

Telling a man to go to hell and makin’ him do it are two different propositions.

Letting the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than gettin’ her back in.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over.

That boys so good he can cut a gopher from his hole.

She’s as pretty as a wagon.

He can’t throw a wet blanket.

Never walk when you can ride.

Never get up before breakfast, but if you have to...eat breakfast first!

He'll be all over that like a chicken on a June bug! (said in reference to any

kind of a good deal)

...to ride, shoot straight and speak the truth!

The best doctor in the world is the Veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what

is the matter-he's got to just know. Will Rogers

Wow...

2008-05-23T16:23:00.001-04:00

SPORE!

2008-05-22T13:57:00.000-04:00

Questions

2008-05-21T16:54:00.001-04:00

Patience

2008-05-21T10:42:00.001-04:00

With a deep breath, I ask for patience that I don't truly feel. I ask for peace that I cannot grasp. I ask for understanding that I do not have. But still most importantly, I ask for patience. Patience to wait for the peace, and the understanding. Without patience, I am a lost soul, eating away at my insides. Without patience when the understanding comes, I will not appreciate it. Without patience, when the peace comes, I will already be destroyed. So again, with a deep breath, I ask for patience.

Rocketman

2008-05-18T13:23:00.000-04:00

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Random

2008-05-16T15:43:00.001-04:00

I think I'm going to start carrying a tape recorder or a notebook or something. You have to be right in the moment to finish your masterpiece I guess. I have 100 different things I started but never finished. Inspiration...as fleeting as this breath.

How

2008-05-16T15:39:00.002-04:00

How do I tell you I love you
Without you running away
How I do I tell you to stay here
And never let your heart stray
How do I sing you a song
When neither of us knows the words
How do I lead you to your peace
Without choking down all the curds
How do I tell you to stay still
and just let the world pass you by
I don't know exactly the right words
But I certainly am willing to try

2008-05-13T18:33:00.001-04:00

7Lbs 2 oz 19 inches

2008-05-13T18:26:00.001-04:00

Ta'Mia Egypt Stewart

Seeing in hi-def

2008-05-12T10:21:00.001-04:00

Sing along if you know the words!

I can see clearly now, with glasses on
I can see all obstacles in my way!
I can see clearly now, with glasses on
It really is a bight, bright, bright, sunshiny day!

Seriously, you don't know what you're missing until you see what you've been missing. I like the look and I can see definition and clear crisp images everywhere. Nice. I should have done this years ago!

Camel Toads

2008-05-08T10:36:00.003-04:00

Stimulus Package ^_^

2008-05-07T09:02:00.001-04:00

I plan on doing my part to stimulate the economy!

The Federal Government is sending a $600 rebate or, depending on your household situation, a little more.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.

If we spend it on gasoline, it will go to the Arabs.

If we purchase a computer it will go to India.

If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.

If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan.

If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy beer, since that is one of the only true products still produced in the United States. Spread the word.

Thank you for your help!

New toy from the roomie!

2008-05-06T20:57:00.000-04:00

The Joker

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I killed it!

2008-04-30T13:41:00.003-04:00

After about a month of being precariously balanced on my monitor at work. My piggy bank fell and smashed all to pieces today.

From awesome to shit at 75mph

2008-04-28T10:14:00.002-04:00

It all started so well. I had my eye exam Saturday morning, paid for most of the frames and went to G-ma's b-day party. We had some good times, ate some good food. Matt and i changed plans, and instead of just hanging out at this place, we went out to kick it with some of his friends at NV for someone's b-day party. I spent most of Sunday hanging out with Matt, sleeping, watching TV, talking. I took a short nap and headed out the door to meet Paul dinner (I know what you're thinking, but was his birthday and he had had a shitty day). I was on 74, I had just passed the Exit for Mitsubishi Motorway, and I head a really loud clang. I finally threw the rod. DAMN IT! I knew it was coming, when Dad told me it was going to happen, I knew it was going to happen sooner rather than later, because that's just the way my life works. I called for a tow and shelled out $191 to get back home to P-town. I've got Dad's Oldsmobile for today, I'm going to ask him about holding on to it for a week or so, maybe just buy it off of him now. I get paid Friday, and the Econ stimulus check should be here on the 5th if the website is correct. It just really, really blows...

7 Strangers.

2008-04-26T13:53:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I miss the joys of freeze tag

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You rock my world

2008-04-18T12:11:00.000-04:00

UPDATE: The aftershock you felt at about 10:15 a.m. was a magnitude 4.5, according to the U.S. Geological Survey. The epicenter for it was between West Salem, Ill., and Allendale, Ill., near County Road 450 East.

LINK: GOOGLE MAP OF EPICENTER FOR FIRST QUAKE

WEST SALEM, Ill. — An earthquake rattled the Tri-State and much of the Midwest in the early morning hours Friday, causing minor damage to some buildings, but no injuries were reported.

The shaking started at about 4:35 a.m. CDT and kept going for between 30 and 40 seconds, according to Jessica Sigala, a seismologist with the U.S Geological Survey’s National Earthquake Information Center. Early reports put the preliminary magnitude of the earthquake at 5.2 and the epicenter five miles northeast of Bellmont, Ill., near West Salem, about 38 miles northwest of Evansville.

More than a dozen aftershocks above magnitude 3.0 have been recorded since the initial earthquake, said Gary Patterson, a geologist with the Center for Earthquake Research and Information at the University of Memphis.

"We can expect to see aftershocks continue ... it could be for a period of hours or days or weeks," Patterson said. "They start to decay in strength over time."

Done....

2008-04-02T16:11:00.003-04:00

Giving up on it. Seriously. I'm giving up on the Nutrisystem thing. I've figured it out. I don't like the food enough to keep doing it. I was going through my order for next month and realized, I've got 1 thing on their whole menu that I like for breakfast, 4 things I like for lunch and 4 things I like for dinner. That seriously blows. Do I want to spend the next few months only eating a 9 things? NO! Variety is the spice of life and all that. I've been doing ok on it, but I've been eating so much off of it that it's like I'm not really on the program anyway. Between dinners out friends, family functions, potlucks at work, and general "I'm not in the mood for this crap tonight." I always have carryover from last order when the next order shows up. It's $300 a month I'm wasting. Well, not wasting so much as not spending it properly. I used to wonder where my money was going each month, but now I can point it all out: $300 to Nurtrisystem + ~$200 in eating out. Totally not worth it. So now I'm going on my own again. I think I'll do better this way, at least I'll be eating food I like without feeling guilty.

Could not help myself

2008-03-25T17:14:00.003-04:00

I poked around a bit today and found some pics of you. Not the old you that I once knew and still love, but the new you that you have become and I don't understand. I remember how we used to play together, I remember the love we shared. I remember the faces we made, the food we ate, the secrets we shared. I don't remember any inkling of the person you are now. You look differently, you behave differently. I doubt you remember me as I remember you. I doubt you ever think of me at all. Part of me feels that you are different because I am different, part of me feels as thought I've dodged a huge bullet by not knowing you now, and only knowing you as you once were. I wonder if you remember the promise you made. Don't worry, someday I'm sure I'll forget too.

Random thought 3.25

2008-03-25T16:27:00.004-04:00

How much of what we desire is based on what we cannot have? A man wants a women in a relationship with someone else. A woman wants a man who doesn't want her. A person on a diet wants a giant sundae. Why is that? Are be built specifically to desire the things that are bad for us? I shouldn't say bad for us, just not what we should want. It would only bring momentary happiness. The man loses the woman when she cheats on him just as she cheated with him. The woman leaves the man after she realizes that he was no different than men she has had before. The dieter feels guilty for the empty calories they consumed. Why are we like this, seriously. Any thoughts?

Confused

2008-03-24T08:22:00.004-04:00

You are given two gifts. The boxes are the same size, shape, and weight. When shaken, they both make the same sound. Both bare the same label: To you, with all my love. The only difference in the two boxes is the wrapping. One is plain brown paper, the other is brightly colored with a huge bow. You open the shiny one first and are excited with the gift inside. You play with it for hours on end, ignoring the second gift completely. When you are tired and almost ready for bed, you remember the second gift. You open the second gift and are startled to discover that it is the newer updated version of the gift you toyed with all day. Everything that was missing from the previous gift, is included in this one. You want to play with this one, but you are too tired from playing with the other and decide you will dedicate the whole next day to play with your second gift. The next morning comes and both gifts are gone.

Grand Master Flash and The Green Arrow

2008-03-21T11:45:00.004-04:00

I am really excited to announce the arrival of my new children. Grand Master Flash and Green Arrow are the two adorable little rats that we have adopted. Green Arrow (Arrow for short) is mine and Grand Master Flash (Flash) is Sam's little angel. Kyle has happily agreed to be the God Dad to both rats. I'm so excited! They are really adorable and sweet. Green Arrow is very affectionate. While hiding on my next last night, he would close his eyes and seem to fall asleep, and when he would wake up, he would lick my face or the back of my neck. He's a little lover, I can tell. Flash seems to be the more active of the 2, he rand all over the three of us last night before he settled either on a head or under some hair. I love them to death already. More pix are here.

Definitions:

2008-03-13T21:00:00.002-05:00

1) Pants too big: can't feel my phone vibrate in my pocket
2) Pants too small: still can't pull them over my ass without unfastening them
3) Way too drunk: Screaming in your friends ear during a break that you want to fuck the singer (Not me)
4) Not drunk enough: Wishing your friend would just sick down and stop embarrassing you (totally me)

Little Sister

2008-03-12T11:24:00.003-05:00

I'm so glad that this will be the last one. I love my little sister, and I love her kids dearly. Sunday night, we had a scare. 2 months early, Venessa's water broke, part way, and she started having contractions. After about 4 hours of medication, the contractions were halted, and the baby's heart rate had been slowed enough to where they were not going to have to deliver her early. Monday, they ran a barrage of tests on her and everything came back normal. Tuesday, another barrage of tests and still everything was normal. It seems that the newest child (who is still yet to be named) decided that it was just her time to get out and we had to convince her otherwise. Venessa has another appointment next Tuesday and another the Tuesday following that.

When i got home last night, my roommate informed me that someone he'd know had passed away due to complications from childbirth. I kept it together until we had talked and he went off to bed. I cried myself to sleep last night. How many times had my sister had complications with her kids. Every single one of them, she was in and out of the hospital those last 2 to 3 months for one reason or another. Not knowing if she was going to be ok, or if the baby was going to be ok. I guess you could say, we've been really lucky so far. I'm just glad that this time, everyone was ok.

Random thought of the day

2008-03-06T13:20:00.002-05:00

Why is it that on days that you decide that there is no way you are cheating on your diet that day, you are starving. Not just a little hungry, but stomach growling, physically in pain hungry?

Do you think of me?

2008-02-29T15:28:00.002-05:00

I find myself, more and more frequently looking at and wondering over people from my past that I no longer speak to or associate with for one reason or another. It would be less difficult if we did not happen to travel in the same circles. I could pretend they no longer exist and move on. But when your friends are my former friends, it makes things a little hard. I see pictures of you all having fun without me and I am glad for you and at the same time, sad that I'm missing out on the fun. I know that if I move back down to Edwardsville, it will be even harder because then I will be faced with the choice of missing out on something because I know they will be there, or go and risk an unwanted confrontation. I've been wondering if the people I think of ever look back on the time we spent together and miss me. I doubt it very much. In most cases, I was the last one to make a call, or send a text message or email, leaving the ball completely in the other person's court. I'm starting to wonder if I should just stay up here. Surely, I'll make new friends and love them just as much as the ones I left behind. Not that I'm letting go of the people from before, not by any means. We will just continue to have the same relationship that we have now. A poke here, a random text message there, a one off email about some random occurrence or person that reminded me of them or them of me. I don't know, maybe I should just think on it some more and let it be for now.

This is not a test

2008-02-29T13:31:00.003-05:00

Is it wrong that I'm testing him right now? I can't really think of it as a test though. Looking back, everytime we've hung out, it was because I invited him to something I was doing, or over to the apartment to hang out. I asked him Wednesday what he was doing tonight, and he said he had to work. When I asked what he was working Saturday, he said he didn't know. I'm going to leave it at that. If he really wanted to see me, he'll call or he'll text or something. I'm not going to go out of my way to see him anymore. I don't like him any less, I'm just not going to be the one to do all the leg work. We'll see how it goes. If a week goes by and no word, I'll change our status to complicated, and if nothing after that, to single. No use in holding onto something not worth holding onto, you know. For now I guess, he's just some guy I see who makes me smile, on the rare occasions that I see him.

You still suck

2008-02-21T12:26:00.001-05:00

I was almost positive that I was over you, but I saw a pic of you today and got all weepy. Maybe it's not you that sux, maybe it's me.

I totally agree

2008-02-19T13:08:00.002-05:00

Looking for you

2008-02-06T17:57:00.000-05:00

For some reason I still don't understand, I thought of someone I had not seen in years. He was one of my really good friends in high school, but we did not speak after that. Not because of any hard feelings or anything, we just lost touch. As a matter of fact for years, I would go to his parents house in the summer and ask if he was home for break. He never was and eventually, I stopped going. I've run into him once since then. He looked a little different, as I know I must have looked different to him, but he was still the same person I knew. That was a few years ago. When I thought of him today, I had a profound feeling of loss and sadness. I frantically started to search for him. I found an account on Myspace and 2 on facebook that may be he, but I'm not holding my breath. I did find one image of him from an article about PRIDE from 2003, but no contact information and that was so long ago as to not be helpful.

I really wish I knew what brought him to min today. I don't want to think the worst obviously, but most of the time when I get this feeling that's what it is. I'm hoping it is just that I'm feeling nostalgic for some reason and either we will reconnect or I'll get over it. If you ever see this, know that I was thinking of you today, ok?

Office Etiquette

2008-02-05T12:15:00.000-05:00

1) Just because my office does not have a door does not mean that you should just walk right in.
2) If you have just broken rule number one, I will not look at you unless I have to.
3) If I have answered your question 1000x before, do not be surprised when I look at you like you are a moron.
4) If you have a question, call me, do not just walk in here. This saves you the look and both of our valuable time.
5) If I did not answer when you called, that is not an excuse to come in here. Leave a voicemail or submit a ticket.
6) We create the ticketing system for a reason, USE IT.

Your Loss

2008-02-04T13:12:00.000-05:00

I don't know why you did it.
I know you love me,
you've told me so.
Not just with your words
but with your actions.
The way you look at me
the way you talk to me
they way you hold me
like you never want to let go.
You didn't have to let go
You never had to let go
I would have stayed for you.
But you've changed that
You've made it harder for both of us
No more late nights
No more early mornings
No more just you and me
It's your loss
you did this to us

Having a moment

2008-02-01T13:34:00.001-05:00

Are you trying to make me feel inadequate? Seriously. I'm trying to respect your wishes, but you are so two-faced and backwards about it that I'm confused. You say that you want one thing, but you chase another. If it's me, then just fucking tell me it's me. Don't feed me this line of BS and expect me to swallow it, ok? Seriously.

Am I insensitive?

2008-01-31T13:34:00.000-05:00

I got an email forward today from one of my girlfriends. It is one of those that is supposed to tug on your heart strings and make you think about how lucky you are for what you've got and how wasteful we are and what ever. It showed different families in different countries, how much they spent on food in one week, and what food that buys. By the end of this email, instead of thinking, "Wow, I'm glad I live in America." I was thinking "Holy cow! I need to move to one of these other countries! Where else can I buy a weeks worth of fresh fruit and veggies, meat, and rice for $50 a week?!?!"

Does that make me insensitive?

Letter to the editor

2008-01-30T16:35:00.000-05:00

I'm really not very political, but this particular election is really showing me a lot about how far we seem to have fallen. I received this in my inbox from a friend today. I'm not asking you to pass it on, I'm not even asking you to read it, but I find that I agree with the general premise enough to repost it here.

this letter is from a man in NY, he wrote it to his local paper in hopes that it would see print. unfortunately, i doubt it will, because it is just too spot on.

Even if you don't support Dr Paul for president, one day a candidate of real change might come along that you do support. When he/she does, the powerful in this country will do everything they can to make sure the same thing happens to them as is happening to Dr Paul.

To the editor:

So, here we go again with another Presidential election and again it looks like that we will have a choice again between two candidates no one can stand – a relentless cycle which never ends. And who do we have to thank for it? We have the media and their preordained candidates and their agenda to marginalize anyone who talks to the substance of the issues which truly concern Americans. On the one hand we have McCain and his philosophy of perpetual war, authoritarian government and perpetual debt and on the other we have Hillary who is at best a modulated version of McCain and with a slightly different agenda for her authoritarian government and perpetual debt. Neither of these candidates has even a marginal understanding of the single most critical issue facing Americans – the collapsing economy, the role of the federal reserve and the crushing effect on the middle class of the continual devaluation of the dollar and unfathomable debt laid at the doorstep of each and every American for generations to come. Societies live and die by their economies and we are going down the same empire maintaining road that destroyed the Soviets and every other empire in the history of the world.

I have to congratulate the media on their coordinated effort to silence and marginalize the voices of those who offer us a way out and hope for the future and for preventing American citizens from really hearing any message of which the power brokers and the owners of this country do not approve. I am speaking specifically of Ron Paul. I realize that the mass media is well beyond any sense of shame and decency. I have come to expect that. They showed their true colors too many times to expect otherwise. The run up to the Iraq war and the way the media served as nothing but an outlet for administration war propaganda is a perfect illustration. Cowardess and venality are the hallmarks of the American media and they have never failed to let the American people down. The fourth estate my ass.

I am most disappointed in the American people themselves – the way they allow themselves to be led by the nose by the supposed pundits and by their complete unwillingness to think for themselves. The media ordains certain candidates – regardless of their actual popular support or the substance and sanity of their positions – and does their best to prop these people up and present them as the “real” candidates while incessantly planting the notion in people’s minds the notion that any candidate they don’t approve of is not worth considering – and the American people eat it up like candy. The founders would be ashamed of us. The truth is, apparently, that the American people do not really believe in peace or liberty or justice for all. As long as they have their cell phones and their American Idol they’re happy. They are either too stupid or too apathetic to even see how they have been had. They like it that way. As long the people who actually own this country let them have the scraps from the table, well, that’s good enough. But the collapse is coming. It may not happen in our life times, but it probably will in our children’s. I suspect our children will look back on this generation with shame for the way we let the promise that was America turn into dust.

I never expected the media to give a candidate like Ron Paul or his supporters a fair shake, but I did halfway expect the American people to have it in themselves to begin to see how far astray we have gone. In the last GOP debate as I write this the candidates were all asked if the Iraq war was worth it. All but one – Dr. Paul – said yes. They gave their lame rationalizations. How did we ever reach a point in this country where the invasion and occupation of a foreign country which was no threat to us (and all the historic revisionism doesn’t change that anyone with any sense knew as much) and without a declaration of war by Congress became acceptable? Oh that’s right, there was Vietnam! You might have thought we would have learned something from that.

So now we have created this nightmare in Iraq and we have created vastly more hatred for the US in Muslim nations and inspired the creation of a generation of new aspiring terrorists who otherwise could not have cared less about us and we have thrown away a trillion dollars rebuilding a country which we destroyed – all money borrowed from China and the Saudis and other nations and built a mountain of debt we can barely pay the interest on, we have lost 4000 thousand Americans who would otherwise be alive as well as many thousands more who are maimed for life, not to mention the hundreds of thousand of Iraqis who have died and the millions who have lost everything – and some idiot has the gall to ask was it worth it as a serious question? What’s more, some “serious” candidates for President seriously argue that it was – well, at least we got rid of Saddam. It is like living in the twilight zone. You tell me this – was removing Saddam Hussein from power worth the life of even one American citizen? Let alone thousands? Was it worth the lives of a couple hundred thousand Iraqis? Was it worth the hundreds of billions of dollars in debt that our children will be paying off for generations? If you think so, I’ve got a nice bridge to nowhere I’d like to sell you.

I expect this kind of insanity and Orwellian mentality from the media, but, honestly, I thought, when it came down to it, there was still some sanity in the American people and some sense of justice and decency and some small respect for the truth. Someone once said that the genius of the American political system lay in its ability to induce its citizens to vote consistently against their own best interests. And, apparently, we are all set to prove them right again with this election cycle. I would be ashamed of the media if I did not already know they are fundamentally corrupt and the tools of the owners of this country. But I will be deeply ashamed of the American people if they go along with this charade again considering that for the first time in my life time we actually have the option to make a better choice. I pray that enough of us take the wax out of our ears and the blinders off to make a difference before it is too late. And it nearly is already.

DWC
Mount Upton, NY
1/29/08